Zombie politics

It’s kind of weird to watch the end of a grand experiment.

It’s the Fourth of July following the edgiest Canada Day I remember and try as I might I can’t deny there’s a certain whiff of fin de règne in the air. A dear friend was remarking that this was America’s 249th birthday in a 250-year cycle and all I could come up with was, well, I sure look forward to the improvements that are bound to come once this exercise in republican exceptionalism falls apart.

Aren’t I a barrel of laughs.

It was Benjamin Franklin, too wise for his time and certainly too smart for ours, who said, in answer to the question of what kind of government the United States was gifting itself, “a republic, if you can keep it.”

If.

You know what a republic is, don’t you? Somebody taught you enough Latin for that? It comes from res, or thing, and publica. It’s the public’s thing. The people’s thing. A republic is a society where the people are in charge. That’s why in the United States criminal cases are always prosecuted by The People. It was The People vs. O.J. Simpson (sorry, showing my age) but R. v Bernardo. In Canada, criminal cases are prosecuted by the monarch. The “R” stands for “regina” (queen) or “rex” (king). It’s more than a stylistic difference; it shows where sovereignty lies. In the USA, crimes are committed against “the people” whereas in Canada’s constitutional monarchy crimes are committed against “the crown.”

Anyway, let’s just say the people seem to have lost the plot and the rest of the world is watching it like it’s a zombie movie in which so many characters are stupidly marching into a den of half-dead monsters hungry for whatever brains they have left.

All that joyful stuff said, I have faith that there are more good people in the United States than there are institutional vandals and that the fall of D.C. will not be as painful as the sack of Rome. That once the current batch of hooligans is safely out of power, that the good people can rebuild something better than the system that brought the current blight to its centre — not once but twice.

Oh, and speaking of second chances, Pierre Poilievre launched his campaign for the seat in his new constituency of (checks notes) Battle River-Crowfoot where sacrificial lamb Damien Kurek left so Dear Leader could run after his embarrassing defeat at the hands of my friend Bruce Fanjoy in Carleton.

Which is a great reminder for me to plug my book on the story behind the upset.

I’m surprised the Liberals have a candidate in that race, local fellow by the name of Darcy Spady. The NDP hasn’t announced anyone, as far as I know. There’s a smattering of no-hopers and one interesting Independent, the badass Bonnie Critchley who is channeling the frustration of many small-c conservative voters who aren’t pleased with having to pay for a by-election just so Poilievre can go ignore them from a safe seat in Ottawa. Oh, and the Longest Ballot Committee doofuses are also threatening mayhem by adding untold numbers of fake candidates to the ballot. It’s going to be a zoo. For sure Poilievre should win (wait, didn’t we say that last time?), but nobody’s going to make it easy for him.

Also contributing to Poilievre’s compounding difficulties are issues of Alberta separatism, supply management that’s seen as benefiting Quebec’s dairy farmers at the expense of Western cattle folks, Poilievre’s enduring Trumpiness in a country where Trump is losing favour faster than a Charlie Brown ice cream cone melts on a scorching sidewalk. This is the part where I remind you that Damien Kurek won Battle River-Crowfoot with almost 83% of the votes cast and that it would be awfully embarrassing if Poilievre won it with … less than that.

And speaking of embarrassments, I took the teens to see 28 Years Later and holy yanked spines, Batman. Of course I had to rewatch 28 Days Later (I would watch paint dry if it had Cillian Murphy in it). It’s not a terrible disaster movie even though it’s a touch simplistic. But I did not know there was also a 28 Weeks Later in-between the days and years until Middle Child pointed it out.

The series is a perfect example of cinematographic ambition gone stale. Still, I’m nothing if not stubborn so I persevered. Disaster flicks are irresistible to many of us, in part because they make us feel better about ourselves, seeing as we’re smarter and more resourceful than those idiotic characters who keep letting themselves get killed in the most stupendously stupid ways. Certainly my teens giggled the whole way through.

Zombie movies also showcase both the best and the worst in humanity — love but also rage, horror and hope. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil the ending. I didn’t understand it at all, and that was before the track-suited Jimmy-Saville-inspired bunch of acrobatic saviours showed up.

And finally, binners! Rideau-Vanier Coun. Stephanie Plante got in touch recently to put that bug in my ear. The idea is simple, to allow people with very few other options the possibility of earning a modest income by picking up and returning redeemable empties for deposit money. In addition to small amounts of money, binners also gain a modicum of dignity and control over their destiny. This is especially valuable for those people who have substance or mental health issues that make getting or maintaining a job very difficult. A no-brainer (not in the zombie sense of the word) that we should institute forthwith.