What if it’s true that only jerks win?
Cats have mastered the art of behaving like cute psychopaths. We should take notes.
It’s hard to escape the conclusion that only dicks and psychopaths get ahead these days. It’s not true, obviously. Many good people are successful. But it feels so hard to break into a field when you’re not a jackass.
I’ve started experimenting a while ago with behaving like one with my work, and frankly it’s doing amazing things for me. Here’s how, and how not to, make that behaviour work for you without turning you into a genuinely unpleasant person. The short answer? Be like a cat.
Be shameless
Some of the most successful people on the planet appear congenitally incapable of feeling shame for their antics. There’s a lesson there for the rest of us.
Know who you are, know what you want, and be absolutely unapologetic about both. Of course, because you’re not actually a jackass, you need to pick good things to be unapologetic about. You’re an artist and that comes with quirks. Don’t hide those. Wear them with pride. You’re trying to do something good with your art. Crank that to 11. There is literally nobody else like you in the universe. Put that on your billboard. Sing it loud. It won’t be for everyone. You don’t need to care. It will be for some people — maybe a great very many people. Those are who you’re shameless for.
Don’t let feelings rule you
Ever seen a cat play with a half-dead rodent? The cat knows the poor mouse is dying, but it made sure it’s dying slowly. The cat will bap it and observe its suffering. Until it get bored, then it’ll just walk away and come rub its ass in your face.
The cat isn’t doing it just because it’s cruel. It’s also doing it because it’s mildly curious. Be that way about your feelings. Master the art of recognizing what you’re feeling and why, but don’t let any of those feelings rule you. Observe them from the outside. Like they’re happening to someone else. Then go hang out with your bestie, like a true psychopath. But please, don’t play with half-dead mammals.
Be hard to hurt
One reason humans have trouble doing great things with their life is that they are scared of getting hurt. That’s totally understandable. Everyone hates getting hurt, especially in the soft bits. Being broken up with is atrocious. So is being rejected for a role. Or being ignored by four dozen magazine editors in a row.
You can’t control what other people do with your pitches or auditions. But you can control how you react to their rejection. Tell yourself you don’t need anyone to say yes. Find ways to earn money that aren’t dependent on others. Be as independent as you can be, in all the ways that matter. Love yourself and your art more than you love anything or anyone else. And tell yourself that those who fail to see your beauty right now just aren’t ready for it. Whatever you do, keep shining.
Be incredibly stubborn, but not too much
You want people to know the things they shouldn’t ask you to change. This saves everyone so much grief and trouble. Be unapologetic about your principles. Explain them clearly and as simply as you can. No need to be rude, but you must be direct and impossible to misunderstand. “I never use the Oxford comma” is a good example of a strong principled stance. One worth following, too. The Oxford comma is stupid. “I won’t be on a panel that’s only composed of straight white men” is another one.
If, however, a multi-million dollar publishing deal insists that you agree to use the Oxford comma, maybe learn to bend a little.
Be fearless
Aye, that’s tough. You don’t get a lot of credit for doing things that don’t scare you. As I like to repeat, nothing good ever happens in your comfort zone. So get out of it already.
On the old Lululemon bags many years ago there were a bunch of inspirational quotes including one I’ve never forgotten: Do something that scares you every day. It’s fantastic advice and I highly recommend it. That doesn’t have to mean big complicated expensive things like jumping out of planes or swimming with sharks in the Caribbean. But force yourself to cold-call a potential client, or make eye contact with stranger, or write that essay about the pain you endured as a child with abusive parents.
This kind of practice will make you better at doing bigger things that scare you, like walking onto a stage to make that speech or showing your latest, highly personal drawing to the world.