The bad kind of research
Take the Big Arch, please.
Continuing what is by now a tradition of reviewing every new egregious invention that comes out of McD University (see this, this, and this), I present to you the Big Arch.
The thing weighs in at 1030 calories so to prepare properly I went into the ring armed with two of my favourite teenagers. And half a case of kombucha, because my enzymes got knocked out in the exercise of my art (you’re welcome). I needed serious help digesting this mess.
I was sort of curious about the unimaginative name of the new burger, and it turns out it’s nothing more complicated than accurate marketing. It’s big and full of starch. It looks like a large Big Mac with white cheese and poppyseeds on the top bun. Tastes like it too.
There’s two biggish patties, pickles, that sauce, sparse lettuce, the aforementioned white cheese and vaguely crunchy fried onions.
It’s like eating Iowa it’s so bland. It left me feeling full but somewhat unsatisfied. There are tastier ways to spend $8.99.
I couldn’t finish it, of course, not that this was required. I tried to listen as the voices of my children receded from my consciousness, so focused I was on finding something, anything, that would make this experiment memorable. The kids talked about their day at school, and all I could think of was how much I looked forward to lying down.
If you’re in the market for a big mass of corn by-products assembled in the shape of an enormous but boring burger, this will do just fine. Otherwise, you’re better off dining on cardboard.