If you didn’t know about shaker fries that’s because McD no doubt realized early they had an epic McSpudDud on their hands and cleverly elected to tone down the advertising and let this horror die of its own unnatural causes.
What are shaker fries, you ask?
Fries you shake. No, really.
McD fries are perhaps the greatest bad food on the planet. When they’re hot and fresh and salted the way St. Ronald intended they are a delight that needs to be honoured but mostly devoured afore they get all mushified.
Why the geniuses who toil at McD University chose deliberately to fuck up such a perfect product I will never know.
The concept can be described but certainly not enjoyed. You get fries like normal, along with an empty bag and a sachet of powder. There are two kinds: churros and masala and all I can say is, thank goodness the former was no longer available when I showed up to try this thing. I don’t think I’d ever be the same again.
I dutifully dumped my lovely golden pieces of happiness into the sac along with that suspicious powder and did violence to my food with all the drama you expect from yours truly, accompanied as I was by Youngest and Middle Child.
Those two teenagers, at the peak of their sarcastic abilities, were essential to the exercise and not just as moral support. They provided me with the best descriptions for this ungodly and decidedly underwhelming mess.
“Like ramen seasoning on fries.”
“Like someone bought Indian food at Dollarama.”
And my absolute favourite: “It tastes like you ate Indian food and washed your mouth with mashed potatoes.”
Next time, McD, think before you risk ruining your perfect fries with such unconscionable violence.