A new season marks the end of the final burnout

When the universe sends you signs, like five burnouts, you should pay attention.

There is a story to this picture.

This morning I ran a 10k, which in itself is not amazing. I run 10k most mornings — I average five or six of those a week. But this morning I ran it much faster than the ones I was doing up until today, by which I mean, I was significantly below 7 minutes per kilometre.

My pace of 6’34” isn’t very impressive. Even at my best, I didn’t go much below 53 minutes for a 10k. Which I think I did once. Other than the 100-yard dash as a kid, I was never a fast runner. My regular running “standard” is to be able to run 10k under an hour without having to train for it. That’s the floor I don’t want to fall under. I want to be fit enough that I can just put on my running shoes and go run at that pace if I want to, at any time. In order to do that, my regular “running for fun” pace needs to be at 6’40” or under.

It’s something that had slipped away as I was going through a very difficult couple of years. Actually it was a fucking nightmare. I’ve been in burnout for the last 12-15 months. My fifth. You probably didn’t notice because among the things I learned during the previous ones (ages 19, 25, 30 and 42) is the importance of crying on the inside like a fucking champ. Because nobody cares.

If you want to prove me wrong, you can read more about the background in one of the two books I wrote about some of that nightmare — in French or in English. Yes, the rest of the story will get written, too.

Some mornings, it’s less pretty than others.

The short story is that I have spent decades working on the wrong things with the wrong people while trying to squeeze my own priorities in there somewhere. Filmmaker Casey Niestat, in the Tim Ferriss book Tools of Titans, says the ultimate quantification of success isn’t “how much time you spend doing what you love. It’s how little time you spend doing what you hate.”

I’d edit this slightly to add “how little time and effort you spend on things and people who drain you of your most precious energy.” On the Mel Robbins podcast I listened to while running this morning, the extraordinary Emma Grede said something I found particularly helpful. To figure out what you need to be focused on in life, you should go towards what fills you with energy and away from what makes you feel depleted.

I’ve known that for a few years now, but it came to me much later in life than it should have. I’ve spent my adult life working my ass off on all the wrong things and with — not all, but too many of the wrong people. And I burned out, over and over again.

I’m here to announce that the fifth one was the last one because what I’ve done these past few years since I realized I was headed in the wrong direction was to, well, change course. Doing that in your 50s takes longer than in your 20s. But I’m happy to say that I’ve successfully eliminated virtually all the draining things and people from my life — the last one was in June of this year. And I’ve slowly built my energy back.

In my world of discipline, competitive sports and self-improvement, people often say that we don’t rise to the level of our abilities but fall to the level of our training. Not that you shouldn’t have goals. But chasing dreams is not enough. You also have to work on raising the floor below which you refuse to go. So that even when you fail at something, you still achieve pretty amazing things.

My floor includes great physical fitness and a happy run-for-fun pace of 6’40” or less for 10k is one of my key metrics. I’m happy to declare this final burnout over. And to say to anyone who might be in a similar situation that it’s never too late to move away from what depletes you and towards that which energizes you.