Ha. Was just going through some of my archives and lookie what I wrote six months ago when everything was miserably cold outside and inside the house:
Confession: I am not naturally the chill type. More like the infamous hyper-competitive type A annoying person (with a side of obsessive-compulsive disorder in a minor key). But as I sit here at my cold desk in my cold house late at night waiting for the repairman to come revive my furnace long enough to last until we get a new one in on Friday if all goes well, I chill.
And not just because I'm cold.
I chill because life is fine. We have a nice fire burning that's keeping the house from freezing. The kids are bundled up in bed in extra blankets and sleeping bags. They think it's a hoot - sort of like camping, but in their own house. Husband gallantly offered to sleep on the sofa bed downstairs so he could keep the fire burning all night if need be. And I'm just finishing some work I started half an hour ago before going to bed (bundled up, kid-style).
I am so relaxed about all this I almost scare myself. The old me would be frantic by now. But the new me just does her best to take it in stride.
What changed, to turn Old Me into New Me? I don't know. I turned 45 not too long ago and for some reason this has hit me in a deeper way than 40 or 35 ever did. It must be what they call the mid-life crisis (sidenote: so I get to live to be 90? cool!) but whatever it is, it's doing wonderful things to my outlook.
I don't sweat the small stuff nearly as much. I prioritize better. I hug my kids more. I manage not to see the dog hair in the corner (I'll get to it later). And I don't work myself to exhaustion every day. Well, correct me slightly here: I do work myself nearly to exhaustion every day but in the dojo, not at the computer. And maybe that's what's making a difference. By taking the time to train and really get into the experience of working my body and mind to become the best person I can be, I have less time and energy to worry about inconsequential things like the ball of dog hair at the bottom of the stairs. Did I mention there's dog hair everywhere? Yes. We have a dog. They do that.
Training could explain why I'm more chill. But whatever the cause is, I sure enjoy this newfound relaxed attitude and find myself wishing I'd found it earlier. It might have saved me some grey hair...
Yes, there is still dog hair at the bottom of the stairs and in the corners. To say nothing of everywhere else. And yes, my hair is still very much grey. But I still find I have a similar amount of chillness (chillitude? I think I like chillitude) about it. I'm training even more now, for Worlds (more details about this here), and I am at the same time being crushed by a massive work elephant - editing a documentary that at the moment looks and feels like it's going to take 23 years but that must be finished in less than five weeks hello massive ball of stress.
Yet I train, and focus my mind on getting better at everything, including not letting the work elephant crush me to death somehow.